I realized that no matter where I call "home," I won't be able to shake the feeling of homesickness.
I tore at the seal of the envelope and pulled out the contents. My eyes scanned the invitation, and I smiled. It was my father-in-law's retirement party. The event would take place right after he preached his last sermon at the church he has served faithfully for over twenty years.
I knew our family would gather to celebrate, but we would be absent. Living across the country has its drawbacks.
When the day of the party came, seated on our living room couch, we sent well wishes from afar and waved with a smile over the iPad screen. However, it was not the same as being there in person.
I struggled with feeling homesick during the week leading up to the retirement party. I miss being present for special occasions, birthday parties, and coffee dates. I miss the familiarity of my childhood home. Growing up, Washington State was all I knew: the rugged beauty, a dialed-in coffee order, and commiserating with others about the neverending grey.
I've pondered what it would be like to move back to my home state now. How would I feel? Would living there take away my occasional longing or the feeling of homesickness?
As I worked through the 'fix' to my problem, I thought of my life here in New Jersey. I thought of the friends we love, the church that has become family, our adventures, and my kid's friends. I thought of the city lights that pierce the sky and the fireflies that dance in the backyard.
Not only have I lived in Washington and New Jersey, but I have also lived in Buffalo, Calgary, and Fergus Falls. That's a total of five very different places I have made home. Each place holds its charms: the snow-capped Rockies in Canada, the rolling plains of the midwest speckled with stark blue lakes, and the awe of Niagara Falls partially frozen in the dead of winter. But most of all, in every place, I miss the friends I've made and the meals I've shared with them.
We like to argue over who's hometown is the greatest. Which place has the best food or the finest view? We debate over where we can find outstanding people, schools, or climate. We make pro and con lists about which way of life is the most healthy or the most productive. We jockey for position, only to boast we have it the best. Or, if we find that's not true, we believe we must get to someplace where things are "better."
I'm not immune to doing these things myself or from searching for something to fill the longing of the "best" for my kids, my husband, and my kids.
But the truth is, at the bottom of the search for "best" is always an empty lie.
No place has it all! And yet God is not sparing in his gifts. He has placed beauty throughout every corner of this earth. Home is not just for the rich or the lucky; it is not just found on the coast or the plains, and it's not only for those who hustle or those who enjoy the ride. We see his fingerprints spread throughout creation. You need only open your eyes to behold it.
Every place has people—people who amaze us, those we relate to, and yes, those who drive us crazy. Relationships are fantastic and messy; they are a gift from God. We are not meant to live without them. When looking for "our place," we so often look to the setting and the scenery, but we should not forget to look for the people we connect with.
While God has placed his beautiful fingerprints all over his creation, the taint of sin entered as soon as we ate the fruit in the garden. It is from the curse that weeds sprang up, and competition between others entered. It was there, cast out of the garden, that we first experienced that feeling of being homesick, the sense of longing. I can only imagine how Adam and Eve felt as they walked out of the garden, knowing they could never return.
That week leading up to my father-in-law's retirement party, I realized that no matter where I call "home," I won't be able to shake the feeling of homesickness. It won't restore the relationships left along the way. I can't walk out my front door and experience the same views I left behind, and I can't bring back loved ones lost.
Longing is something I will never shake, no matter where I move or who moves back to me.
As followers of Jesus, we acknowledge it's a feeling that won't leave us. This feeling reminds us that this place is not our home. We are not meant to get too comfortable here.
Every person on this earth has a deep, unfulfilled longing in their heart. Separation from God leaves us knowing that there is more; there is better out there. The world does its best to fill that hole with the superficial, looking to fill it with living in the best place, having great friends, achieving career goals, or finding a spouse that fits us perfectly. But the only place we will ever truly be filled comes to us through a person: the person of Jesus Christ. Through our faith in Jesus, who has given himself over to death in order to end our longing, we now have a hope that perseveres through all hardship and homesickness and will ultimately bring us to be in his presence forever on the other side of this life.
2 Corinthians 5:6-8: "Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. For we live by faith, not by sight. We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord."
No matter where he has placed you, God has gifted us joys on this earth. I know wherever I live, God will meet me there, reminding me that while his gifts of creation surround me, these won't fulfill me. When "homesickness" comes, remember God has something better in store. Whether we realize it or not, we long for eternity with him because there is no better place than gathered in the arms of Jesus, our Savior.
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