He will never leave you nor forsake you. Your faith is not fragile glass.
If you are a young Christian entering college or moving out of your parent's home for the first time, finding a new church is one of the first adult things on your to-do list. If you're like my kids and grew up in a tiny denomination, there may not be a church just like yours where you live now. So, how do you find a new church? I sat down with my kids and told them the differences and similarities between different churches and ours, and we discussed the implications of each change. You could even call up your old pastor and ask for help picking a new church where you live. They would totally do that.
Skipping church should feel like depriving yourself of grace, not the other way around.
The main thing is to find a church that will give you Christ every week. You can't always trust denominational labels with this. Some churches are stingy with giving you grace, and are heavy with telling you all the things you need to do for God to do his thing. Trust me, when you're at school or your new job, and you're feeling the weight of midterms or the pressure of long hours, you're going to need a place that you know deep in your gut—the pastor will give you Christ crucified for the forgiveness of your sins. Otherwise, the church will be just one more thing you "have to do," and when the pressures of life hit, it'll be the first thing to go, and you'll call it "giving yourself grace." Skipping church should feel like depriving yourself of grace, not the other way around. So pick a church where you get "Christ for you" every week.
Consider the community you need. Are you at a Christian college full of dorm Bible studies and mandatory chapel services? Find a church with young families and old grandmas. You're already surrounded by young adults. Balance out your life a little so you don't get sucked into the young people echo chamber. Don't go to that mega-church everyone else is going to. You'll have enough overstimulating parties elsewhere, I promise.
On the other hand, are you living on your own or starting a new job with not many people your age? Find a church with a thriving young adult group. It can be large, but even two to three other people your age can be enough. Mass quantity doesn't always mean mass quality of friendships. Sometimes, the loneliest places are a large group where no one sees you. Deep friendships can thrive in small places, too.
Sometimes, young adult groups at churches feel like speed dating, which you might either love or hate. But if it's not working, try out a different Bible study or group at the church. You're a young man? Join the men's prayer group they might have on Saturday morning. There's no rule that you have to stay in your age group. There's a whole new world of options for friends out there now that you're an adult.
If you're like my kids, we did some online searches for churches, and looked at a lot of websites. Remember your goals in this search. It's totally fine to email the church and ask all your questions before you go. "Hey, I'm a young adult, and I am looking for a church. I have some questions." I promise the pastor won't think you're dumb; he'll think you're thoughtful. You're not asking to be catered to; you just don't want to waste anyone's time.
Try out three churches you've researched, but try to pick one imperfect one after that. Maybe five churches tops. Don't spend the whole first semester of college "church shopping." Believe me, I can say from experience from when I started college that it's spiritually exhausting not to have a church home to rest your soul. It becomes this anxious new space every single week.
Your youth will encourage them, and their maturity will encourage you.
Sit down with the old people during the coffee break between (or before or after) services and ask them what they do for fun. Maybe you'll find someone who likes to play chess or tennis just like you. Maybe they like to cook, and you like to eat. Maybe they train dogs—who knows. It's so awkward to see other adults as your peers, and it won't feel right for a long time. Just lean into it. Your youth will encourage them, and their maturity will encourage you. You need each other. You are part of one body. You're spending eternity with them—and I don't think age will matter then.
One of the best ways to get to know people at church in non-awkward ways is to sign up to serve somewhere. Working side by side is way less weird than sitting and feeling like the new kid. Sign up to serve coffee once every three months, or ask if they need an extra sound tech. Ask if they need a helper for preschool Sunday school. You've been training your whole life for this. There were people in your church who prayed for you, served you, and watched you grow up. Guess what? You're the grown-up in church now. The baton has passed. You get to do that for others. And it's more rewarding than your wildest dreams. Little kids are hilarious. Serving in church will help with homesickness you don't yet think you have, too.
Never be afraid to reach out to your new pastor. Failed a test and freaking out? Reach out. Did you have an amazing youth pastor and youth group in your old church? Wonderful. That pastor at your new church: he's your new youth pastor, except you're not a kid anymore. He'll probably have cornier jokes and won't make you play games involving pool noodles. Otherwise, same thing.
Finally, you know how everyone said to be careful about the school you're going to so you don't lose your faith? "Be careful who your friends are so you don't lose your faith? Be careful, be careful, be careful…"
Here's the thing: adults get scared, too. And there's a whole industry flooding them with data that is scary. And, of course, you aren't immune from making bad decisions. You probably have a bunch of them ahead of you. Here's what I want you to know:
God is holding you. You were baptized into Christ, and you wear his name. He will never leave you nor forsake you. Your faith is not fragile glass. When people tell you to be on high alert, that will probably bring you anxiety, like there's trouble around every corner. Let me help you switch perspectives on that because anxiety isn't the goal. It's actually the opposite of the goal.
Instead, keep watch and see God at work. Keep watch, and see him be faithful to you again and again, after mistake after mistake. Keep watch for his grace to be lavished on you. Keep watch to be transformed by his mercy. You're in some of the most intense years of life when it comes to enormous decisions, and no matter which direction you choose, his faithfulness will remain the same.
This isn't the season to be scared; this is the season to see the immovable nature of God's love. His love is steady. It's a ballast. It's where our hope lies. Your hope is not in walking a tightrope of good decisions. Your hope is in Christ, who will catch you every single time.
Keep watch because the devil wants to put the entire burden on you and your shoulders until you are crushed. He wants to hide Christ from you so that you might be overwhelmed with life and even yourself. Look to Christ. Surround yourself with people who will give you Christ when you're having a bad day—and, yeah, plan to have bad days. God puts each of us - including lonely college students - into families, and he gave you the family of God to sustain you.
